My car talks to me.

“Prepare to turn right in one half mile.”

She has a very pleasant voice and instructs me very politely about how I should get to my next destination.

“Turn right at the next intersection.”

But sometimes I know a better way.

“Turn right now.”

Sometimes I just give her a destination because I want to know about how far it is.

“At the next intersection, make a U-turn.”

She really doesn't like it when I don't follow.

Sigh. "Proceed 200 feet then make a left turn."

She tries and tries to get me back on the path, but to no avail.

“Didn't you hear me? I said make a U-turn. You're just ignoring me, aren't you?”

If she could she'd tell me to pull over and let her drive.

“You paid all that money for me and you're going to ignore me?”

I have to admit that she's pretty good, but she tends to favor freeways and really doesn't know which local streets have all of the stop signs.

“I'm sure you'd like my way, better. Honest!”

She has a pleasant, authoritative voice, but sometimes I just have to go my way.

“Did I mention that my way passes an ice cream shop?”


“Okay, fine. Do it your way. You must like fewer lanes, more trucks and lower speed limits. You'll find out why I wanted you to go the other way. Oh, by the way, notice that warning light on your dashboard? You don't know what it is, do you? Maybe it's time to pull over and pull out the manual, because I'm not talking to you anymore.”